Casual visitors may have noticed I am not blogging a lot at the moment.

I find it relaxing and need the reflective power it offers, but sometimes I just fail to follow through.

Subjects can vary widely or I tend to get fixated on the current “thing”, but either way, sometimes it comes easily, I stop doing it when it does not (the benefit of not being sponsored).

As I get older, my ability to waste time is softening, my awareness of that time wasted hardening. It may be a “time is running out” thing, or simply a change in work habits, but one thing is for sure, I am finding it hard to switch off.

Self regulation.

I must start to regulate my work time as a self employed person. This is the key, but it tends to come down to working at break neck pace for weeks, then nothing. The nothing in winter is hard. The short days and general darkness that comes with winter often leads to depression. Not the clinical depression many espouse to, but regular, daily, controllable depression.

In summer, which by it’s nature, being connected to schools is going to be quiet, I really, really need to just relax.

I worked for a wage for most of my life, full or part time, I had a regular income, I was “reliable”. Now I count my wins against my losses and to be honest, with a regular human brain wired for stress and fear over relaxation and confidence, half a dozen wins never make up for a slow period.

Some good signs so far these holidays. I have remade and perfected my hobby painting space, moving it to a spot closer to a window and making more shelves, which almost instantly got me painting some figs.

My video work space is waiting for key elements, but is ready to go and my old desk top computer, back from the dead is giving me depth and room to move.

Relax, enjoy it and let the strength gained empower later work.